Don’t Let Me Think – World Mental Health Day 2019

This is what my brain does when I’m trapped in the fog of depression and anxiety – currently my medication helps keep the darkness at bay, but it encroaches.  This is over four years old and still relevant.  It may always be, but that’s okay.  This too shall pass.  It may come back, but it will always pass again.

Don’t Let Me Think

Step away from my world, let everything cease
Stop my brain, I want to get off,
The whirling, swirling, dash of my thoughts
Too fleeting to catch yet too detailed
Too thorough, too symptomatic
Too causal, too deep.
Too scary.
To stop.

Irrational fear of the known and potential,
What I live taken to the furthest point
Of possibility, fragility, without pause
Too hard to pass over with no reaction,
Too likely yet unlikely at the same time.
Probable improbability.
Confused.
Continue.

I reach to catch the snapshots floating by
To bring them in to me and calm them
To tame them and work them into the shape
I can live with, understand, accept
And put aside.  I can’t.
Too fast they fly,
Too high to reach.
Torture.

My mind is my enemy for the passing of moments,
At war with myself, but an enemy too strong
At this second.  This minute.  This day.
But soon it shall pass.  All moments
Shall pass and I grow.
In inner strength.
Too much for now.
Not forever.

Don’t let me think, let my mind rest and relax.
Don’t let the pressing of the fears enter in,
Don’t let the swift panic decompress hope
And let it out and away from my Pandora’s box.
Don’t let me think.
Don’t let me see.
Don’t let me.
Don’t let.
Me.

© Tina Price-Johnson
11 March 2015

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